we broke up and he got another girl pregnant we broke up and he got another girl pregnant

Its HERS, but it does not properly belong to either one of the men. And he shouldnt, either. Wrap it up or dont have sex, thats the only choice YOU have. ColorsOfTheWind Why he is scum but a woman who opts for an abortion or adoption isnt its beyond me. Its when I disagree that I usually feel I want to write a comment. savannah iseeshiny But the important thing for you to know, as the mother of a child who may not ever know their biological father, is that your child wont miss what they never had. Case in point: my mother was mentally ill, verbally and physically abusive, and vindictive enough to hurt my siblings and I just to spite my father, and she STILL got joint custody. Bottom line. Because the bf in question was part of the creation of the child. I know Im stretching here, but Painted_lady A Happy Life The time prior to conception is the only time this can be anything close to fair. The misogyny is the implication that this somehow makes it easy for a woman. The laws are imperfect because the biology of men and women is different. Year 1970. April 9, 2012, 7:33 pm. Its the law. If he wore a condom and if she was on the pill, hes an idiot because what? Unless youve been there, you dont know. Um hello, hes 40 years old, he knows how babies are made. But now no one wants to deal with it. And that isnt fair either. That is pretty much it. Im usually just a lurker here on DW, but the strong debate over this letter compelled me to comment. I dont see why the guy should get a free pass for having unprotected sex. Dont push him to be with this woman. Men abandon and fail to pay for children constantly. If a woman wanted to choose to terminate the child, would she be less of a real woman for not stepping up to the responsibility? People in healthy relationships dont say that. My boyfriend broke up with me when I was 10 weeks pregnant. And he took on the consequences. But, it would have reduced the chances. Yea, it does sound even more ridiculous today. Honestly, I see unfairness in the current system too, but I dont see how you could look out for the best interests of children while simultaneously making everything 100% fair for both mother and father. Wow RR, I like it when you get angry. Anyway, people are calling him scum for having unprotected sex with a woman he was dating. But I dont see anything in the letter that means he must be. He doesnt want anything to do with his child? And a grown adult man is well aware of this system when he chooses to have sex. When you break up, you get the rare opportunity to see your ex's true nature at the worst of times. Nope, none of it matters. he gets another girl pregnant while you are on a break, your fault. Hes allowed to not want to be a father! Image Source. lets_be_honest April 10, 2012, 6:58 pm. He should have taken more precautions. And with that said, he should confirm the woman is indeed pregnant and get a paternity test when the child is born. Ever since U.S. April 10, 2012, 10:41 am. I get from the tone of your letter that you are bitter. Dump this creep. He said while I was away he tried to get over me with someone else and now shes pregnant with his son. Who knew? Chris (played by Tyler James Williams), is the ambitious, normal, responsible, intelligent, and kind-hearted, but troubled, unlucky, unpopular, untalented, nonathletic, underachieving, hapless, awkward, nerdy, vulnerable and mischievous eldest child and protagonist with anxiety disorder of the series.He wishes he was more like his younger brother, Drew. Like raising a child is easy. You have a lot of personal issues to deal with, little boy. A forty year old man who can be tricked into believing that intercourse, with birth control or not, cannot lead to a baby is an idiot. He is doing alot better. And if so, Im ready. Is it Dear Wendy gender wars with the emotional females leaping to conclusions and bullying the open minded fair males who dare to object to name-calling and double standards? when i was single i acted as if the other people i was involved with werent thinking about it. And my opinion doesnt change whether youre prepared to have a kid. If he cant afford the child support, get away from him as he will be an emotional and financial drain. 6napkinburger I dont think hes scum based on this either. But sometimes, we don't even realize just how painful they are until after they've happened, and the person you love . Why is he such a scummy, awful human being because hes angry with the way this has worked out that hell be on the hook for another human being until who knows when? I meant post living with HIV that as a correction in that I left the with HIV out of my previous post. Pretty sure this: and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby is the browbeat part. This is my first time posting on here but I really need some advice. Thanks for the clarification. Move on. Thanks for listening to me. I think I said that about my boyfriend was I was about 15. Im sure youll do a wonderful job! That my life revolves around this so called love of mine?? Even when they both want the same thing. Im also a longtime lurker who was a little taken aback by all the vitriol aimed at this mans head. But I answer younger peopleI even have made some comments on Teen Rant. Like most men are running around handing out free money to them without them having to fight for it. That line of reasoning is fine but condescending only for those who never in their entire lives have ever done anything that might have resulted in something unexpected (and unwanted) happening. This is clearly a heated topic, so Im not sure were all being purely logical about it. You clearly didnt comprehend what you were reading very well. April 10, 2012, 7:38 pm. My ex and I broke up for the first time a year ago. Yes, it would be nice if he were eager to become a parent. Were looking at this situation through the eyes of his ex whos pissed off that he knocked up this other woman but seems pretty bound and determined to get back with him. Take it from me, every man screws up at some point. reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): A I accept that its the law, just like its the law that you basically have to get raped by an ultrasound device in Texas in order to get an abortion. I simply had to chime in here as this is what I do for a living and so many people are sadly misinformed. Bless her heart. However, not once did I say anything like what youre implying. religiously wear condoms. Its not the mans moral fault that he didnt think he would be roped into parenthood by a singular sexual encounter when he was told she was on the Pill.. And now onto you, ummmm you say he cant bare to be without you and never loved anyone as much as he loves you.well his actions sure say otherwise. However, sure, something unexpected and life-altering happened to him, and hes upset, so surely hes an idiot. And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING WOMEN to have abortions? Im late to this, but WHAT THE FUCK. female Theres many reasons besides wanting a mans money to not get an abortion. This child will have no father and while I dont feel bad for the parents, I feel very bad for this child. Women dont have to choose between the two both are within their purview. In the long run, US ends up with what I like to refer to as the Feminist Mystake. Maybe because she wants a tie to the LWs boyfriend. When you ended it you knew it was over. If you dont want to potentially end up with a kid with a woman you cant stand, dont have sex with her. Wow, that was a super bitchy thing to say. If the man doesnt, apparently you feel that he should not have that option. You are feeling particularly aggressive or bold. Ummm hes scum because he abandoned a woman he impregnated. Dont care to be properly identified? Im NOT saying she should abort, just that shes an idiot & she shouldnt expect a one-night stander to suddenly be a father. Hell, I dont even know the lady in question, and I can tell that shell be a lousy mother, too. And Im also not passing judgements on him based on my preconceived notions about how the conversations went down. It was unplanned and a . I wouldnt. 6napkinburger So true. If the childs mother fully intends to love and support and care for her child, and explain to him/her that their biological fathers lack of desire to be a dad or deficits has nothing to do with him/her that child will grow up no worse for wear. Oh, good lord. reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): A I wouldnt consider him a scumbag for asking her to consider abortion. Not to mention raising the baby, which women are way way WAAAYYY more likely to do alone than men. All we know is that he will be paying for it but wants nothing to do with it. Its fucking unfair. Good. Its not right Im sure I wouldnt.! April 10, 2012, 5:01 pm. And no it shouldnt be just the womans responsibility that the bf just met if she decides to not have an abortion or give the child up for adoption. If hes being deceived then hes a willing participant. April 9, 2012, 12:29 pm. Maybe she doesnt to be with your boyfriend, perhaps she just wants him to be there for the baby as a father. If he was the kinda guy that decided he wanted to be in his childs life every 5 years when it was convenient and made promises that he never kept and lost interest after a while, that would be seriously damaging to that childs sense of self-worth. Would be nice if they could because there were many nights when I was pregnant where my husband could have had our babies lay on his bladder instead of mine. April 9, 2012, 1:13 pm. Its easier just to blame her and act like hes an innocent victim, but hes not. The key if you do decide to engage- keep it as civil and reasoned as possible. he delivers the baby from the nursery to your house. Please help. But shes having his baby and whether he likes her, loves her, or hates her, that baby is his child. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. So, it's up the guy to put the idea out there of getting back together and proving to his ex that it's worth a shot. Lets wait to have sex until we have a bigger place. It upsets me how much anger seems to be directed towards this unborn child. We need to rebuild our trust, but I cant trust the situation because he cheated on me with her. You have no say whatsoever in this situation. Of course there are the people who assert that others have no right to an opinion regarding birth control, abortion, or other actions. Now if the issue remains private without government involvement, then no problem as long as she keeps to their agreement. According to DeCrow, he shouldnt even have to pay child support, because thats fundamentally unfair. reader, yelyah77+, writes (16 April 2009): A whose pregnancy and right to bear the child are apparently sacrosanct.-yep, true story He said he still loves me and that he didnt love her, and it was a mistake. No matter how many precautions you take, if a pregnancy occurs you have to accept that its because of what you did and accept full responsibility for your actions. Youre reading waaaayyyy too much into what I said. My opinion is that we all know that it can happen whether youre on birth control or not. Nor is there any guarantee that the woman who tells you that she doesnt want to have a baby wont change her mind when faced with that decision. We were back and forth and it was very frustrating for me so I gave him an ultimatum I told him that he either wanted to make it work and we move forward, or, that I was leaving to another city to start over without him. I hope the LW takes note of the fact that Amandas comment currently has 61 likes. 1. Is it the fact that he wants something different from what she does that makes him scum? Consider that this child will be a drain on his resources, and possibly yours as well if you marry. iseeshiny Steve Kellmeyer Do you have a law to fix that? If someone ahead of you slams on their brakes because they want to read a billboard and you hit them, Id guess youd be not be upset, because its your fault and youre aware that cars ahead of you can stop at any point. April 10, 2012, 6:26 pm. But, seriously you should both get tested for STDs. Solved. I appreciate the points youre trying to make. Originally i had used much more crass language and forgot to delete the apology ooops! And you wonder why people accuse the threads of being hostile toward males? And _JSW_, if youre reading this too, thanks for an interesting evening. Secondly, it is a medical procedure. She goes to a restaurant and orders a meal that doesnt explicitly say that it has peanuts in it, but the restaurant has several other dishes that have peanuts in it. No one is forcing any woman to have the child and much less to keep it. Im not advocating for it, just describing whats been proposed elsewhere. Women have complete reproductive autonomy, but as far as I know it is impossible to become impregnated without a man somewhere in the equation. Or until we decide to start a family., By that logic, virtually every dude on the planet is an idiot. Are women less able to care and provide in todays society? But still. It amazes me how people can say things like That whore slept with my boyfriend! and keep a straight face. April 9, 2012, 2:14 pm. Susie is lost. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke landygirl. Chuck(le) | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms. She experiences an allergic reaction and has to be rushed to the hospital. But I almost laughed out loud when I read untrappable. I doubt the conversation went like: Please have an abortion. First of all, it can take a bad psychological toll on someone who doesnt want to have it in the first place. How many times have we read articles like that and think to ourselves couldnt you have just left the baby with family or at the hospital rather than kill it.. Id rather him be honest and bow out now then be in and out or in as a lousy, forced parent. It only says he asked her to. Its not fair to create a child and then abandon it. Even though people would like to think that the pill is 100% effective it is not. bittergaymark The decision to have sex is not a decision to have a child, but it always carries that risk. While I grant you that the lack of control for men once a pregnancy occurs is, in a sense, unfair, I think there is unfairness on both sides of the issue. 2. Its one thing that he says he will pay for it (Im assuming this means child support), but a true father doesnt just look at this as a once a month payment for 18 years. Or pining away for a father figure theyll never, ever have? Its the second set of support owed to the child we are talking about. As a woman, you have control over that. And yet men still keep having sex with us. I completely agree. It takes a man to be a father. And as a grown adult; as a person whos lived 40 years and should have acquired a sense of decency and maturity; you should own up to the consequences of your actions. We have been broken up for a few months but have remained friends and in contact. SpaceySteph BUT. The prohibition against abortion is taken far more seriously by some than the religious prohibition against non-marital sense. We were together for 2 1/2 years, lived together, got a dog together, talked about mar. REALLY?! Ill give you a hint it turns into a baby. Well said I was like, is this letter for real? the whole time I was reading it. Against it? The man should have no say on whether or not she keeps the baby but she should have a LOT of say over his finances for the next 18 years. I think the key is that the choice to abort doesnt result in an innocent child that still has needs to be met. Eh, he knows where babies come from and there are plenty of ways to have an amazing sexual experience that absolutely cannot result in anyone getting pregnant. Even if she was lying about being on birth control.